I had everything figured out by the time I went to university only to experience my first social and personal failure soon after that. Nothing came into place.
From aspiring to become a lecturer and a project lead on creative projects, as well as starting my own NGO – the classical ‘I’m gonna spend my life being busy’ – to survival mode.
That was the first time when my thinking was disrupted and I started questioning my projections over the future. Were all these wishes my own? Would social status bring me satisfaction?
There were quite a few achievements along the way that fell under the list of officially recognized successes by family, friends, colleagues. I remember the pressure of meeting expectations and I remember myself force-smiling.
Although I can’t say that I’m 100% cured from pleasing others, I’ve got much better at trying to understand myself and the basis of my behavior by questioning my actions:
- What is my direction in life?
- Will this decision take me there?
- Am I off course?