Self-Pity is No One’s Friend

Photo by Bharathi Kannan

When we share disclose our challenges to someone we trust, the reaction we get doesn’t always benefit us. The classical ‘poor you’ can generate feelings of self-pity which then lead to depression. Believing that life is unjust and outside of our control leaves us no room for action.

As a generous sharer myself, it’s not always clear to me why humans choose to share the same event again and again. From a neurological point of view we can refer to the impact that the experience had on us and all the connections we kept on making post-event. But speaking about the lows of life can reflect our need for care, affection and understanding.

Reflecting love or concerns about someone can be a selfish act. It releases us from the guilt of perhaps not being present often enough in that person’s life and from a sense of duty.

But just as being in an office from 9 until 5 doesn’t mean that we’re doing a good job, so does projecting worries and victimizing our loved ones doesn’t really reflect love. All it does is generating a chain of negative reactions. Self-doubt and self-pity are often the results of misrepresented love. Don’t keep friends around who think they’re doing you a favor by taking your power away from you – the power to heal without their permission.

Self-CONFIDENCE and Being Active

Photo by Casey Horner

Are confident people busier than other people or is it the other way around?

Engaging in a high number of activities, social interaction and splitting our interest over different subjects brings together confidence in undertaking new challenges and overall self-belief.

Our brain no longer knows instinctively what’s best for us. The illusion of relaxing through passive behavior can take its toll on our body and on our mind. Passive behavior impacts our overall performance and ability to persist and succeed.

Have you ever noticed how much more energy you draw out of being active? Don’t postpone on that language class or knitting workshop. As long as you enjoy it, it is relaxing and it nurtures your self-confidence at the same time.

Spinning Guilt from Weakness to Advantage

Photo by Marko Blažević

Guilt can prevent us from making decisions that we’re not confident with 100%. Unlike doubt, if used ahead of making a decision, it can be a great tool to anticipate the internal changes that making a choice would bring.

Rather than waiting for retrospective guilt to kick in, let’s do a visualization exercise of what awaits for us on the other side of making a decision. Is it a life of joy or a life of struggle? Is it financial comfort but emotional torture? Is it financial comfort and emotional wellbeing?

We can work towards achieving everything we want in life. Yes, it’s true that everything comes at a cost, but living a full life takes time and effort. Guilt doesn’t have to be our companion. We can welcome it in and acknowledge the early signs of being off course. Let’s try and understand the signs – are they our parents’ bias, cultural limitations or is it truly us, moving away from who we want to become?

How to Break Through the Idea Stage

Photo by Jorge Saavedra

Breaking the idea stage doesn’t take much. It takes sharing. Sharing your thoughts and intentions with others in good faith. Trusting that through other people your idea will be complete.

When looking for a solution to an issue that you have it’s natural to assume that others might go through the same situation. But assumptions are not the equivalent to the reality.

Feedback nurtures growth. Challenging someone’s beliefs is just as important as acceptance. Dare to share your ideas and you will notice more depth and insight. You will access the Universal Knowledge.

‘You Won’t Be the Same Person One Year from Now’

Photo by J-S Romeo

That’s what I was told when I started a new job. And it’s true, I wasn’t the same person one year from then. Was it due to the role? Maybe 10%, yes. But being in that place as part of my journey played a great part in what I wanted to outgrow – my limited beliefs, the power that I allow people to have on me and daring to want more and ask for it.

We hear of people traveling who are hoping that the experience will change them. Instead, they take their biases, views and assumption everywhere they go. A luggage costing them their own development. A place or a story can only touch us if we allow it. We tend to count more on other people’s views and discount the learning from simple things – people watching or observing different cultures.

What I’ve learnt is that growing is important, but the direction of growth adds more value to our life and to what we have to offer. Knowing that you won’t be the same person one year from now, tell me, what direction are you planning on growing in?

Building Success and Building Momentum

Photo by Benedikt Geyer

Going through life with the thought of retirement orients our goals to seeking enjoyment in doing less of what we dislike and more of what we enjoy. But if the goal is just to not do any work at all, we are self-sabotaging. In order to feel satisfied we need security and growth. Growth requires that we move outside of our comfort zone. It is growth that gives us satisfaction.

When we see busy people we sometimes see people who need to work harder. People who don’t have the luxury to do nothing all day. Similarly how in some cultures being on the heavy side equals being healthy, the science doesn’t back up the collective belief that time is conquered when you have plenty of it and nothing to spend it on.

Engaging in opportunities, talking to people, taking risks – every new endeavor accounts to the success that we want to create, to the happiness we are pursuing. When people tell you to slow down, unless there are serious concerns which you should address, take it as words of encouragement. You’re going farther and faster than those around you. You only need to keep up with yourself.