When we share disclose our challenges to someone we trust, the reaction we get doesn’t always benefit us. The classical ‘poor you’ can generate feelings of self-pity which then lead to depression. Believing that life is unjust and outside of our control leaves us no room for action.
As a generous sharer myself, it’s not always clear to me why humans choose to share the same event again and again. From a neurological point of view we can refer to the impact that the experience had on us and all the connections we kept on making post-event. But speaking about the lows of life can reflect our need for care, affection and understanding.
Reflecting love or concerns about someone can be a selfish act. It releases us from the guilt of perhaps not being present often enough in that person’s life and from a sense of duty.
But just as being in an office from 9 until 5 doesn’t mean that we’re doing a good job, so does projecting worries and victimizing our loved ones doesn’t really reflect love. All it does is generating a chain of negative reactions. Self-doubt and self-pity are often the results of misrepresented love. Don’t keep friends around who think they’re doing you a favor by taking your power away from you – the power to heal without their permission.
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