We’ve all witnessed global changes in the past few months and how they tie in with people’s ability to adjust, learn and grow. Building a temple of stillness within doesn’t lock out stimuli that help us grow, it helps us witness events calmly and move into a peaceful direction of growth. It is anger what keeps the teachings of outer events away and deprives us from self-development. When we negate the reality of other people and the state of the world and instead we use them as an opportunity to harvest anger, we choose involution over evolution. Our power comes from within and opening the doors to compassion and understanding is what puts our power at the service of the good.
Anger is one of the most threatening emotional states. Due to its intensity, it overclouds our judgement and leaves us bare. Once consumed by it we feel small and helpless, not to mention how anyone who sensed our rage might feel.
The bridge from anger to serenity needs to be build up from both directions – managing the external and the internal. Serenity is a self-contained state of calm, while anger is disturbance and aggressive behavior. At times of serenity we can take the opportunity and unpack triggers, understand the source of our reactions. In times of anger we need to look at ourselves through someone else’s eyes and learn how to navigate feelings that don’t benefit us.
Life is not a straight line. Anger is a sign of weakness or lack. Anger is a sign that we need to work harder to understand ourselves and others. And once we address whatever it is that anger is trying to show us, we can make room for serenity.
We raise our voice, stamp our foot and clench our fist – all signs of power that we rob our opponent from. How do we manage a conversation without feeding into this destructive pattern?
- We quietly listen, without interrupting our counterpart.
- We ask ‘how’ and ‘what’ questions – what do you think we should do next? How would you act if you were me?
- We treat the other person the way we would like them to treat us: with calm, respect and consideration
This is not as easy as 1, 2, 3 but I know that whenever I don’t give into the other person’s rage fit I feel better about myself. I might still not feel 100% ponies on the field tea party but I feel better than the times when I try to match anger with anger.
As a long term strategy, simply avoiding people who put all their emotions into an anger pot works better than managing constant friction. Choose your daily interactions carefully, every person we meet shapes our behavior and, to a certain degree, our identity.
The tone of voice gives away more than words do – it’s accountable for 55% of the meaning of the conversation. How come we are paying so little attention to it?
Just like spoken word was taught and learnt, voice inflections are the reflection of how the people we surround ourselves by speak. Shouting is one of the shocking uses of the voice that creates build up, negativity, anger. If we heard shouting rather than expressing emotions in an articulated way, we will likely think of that as normal behavior and perpetuate it.
Why stop shouting?
- deal with your emotions in a controlled way
- share your fears rather than anger-sharing words
- heal instead of amplifying pain
Use your calm voice and life might get better bit by bit.