Being selective with the people we let into our life it’s the first gift you can give to yourself. People making you feel small or needy will never evolve, and for that reason they will never allow you to grow. We are more mindful about the influences that children are exposed to than we are about our own circle of influence, but in reality we are just as vulnerable. Once we trust someone, we unfortunately can easily allow them to override our views.
When was the last time you sacrificed your way of being to please others? It might be when you decided to change your hairstyle for someone else, to gain or lose weight, to grow into a certain passion just so you can fit in. Whatever it might, we often are not aware of how fragile we truly are. Although change and influence can work for the best, it has to come from a place of growth instead of the opposite.
What long-lasting change would you like to see in yourself? Write it down on the board. Then plan. What would it take? How would that make you feel? Is it worth it?
As much as we hold back from admitting it, power is deeply linked to our identity. It’s not an external force governing our life. Growing our inner power determines how others will use their power on us. This understanding of power steers us away from the passivity of being and the victim mindset that ‘others’ have ‘the’ power.
We don’t naturally speak about power over lunch, unless it appears in a form that affects us to such a degree that we can’t look away. It can be arguing over a parking spot or paying taxes. It can be that we want pasta for dinner while our partner wants rice. Regardless of the elements in place, power is the talk of the town when there is an imbalance.
Cultivating our inner power and influence is not something that should be put on hold. Our power is what moves the fallen trees out of our path so that we can move forward, grow and tackle any injustice from a position of equality. It’s up to us to build ourselves up before it’s too late.
Ever since we’re born we are being looked after. We associate modern society with comfort and mistakenly generations of parents associated comfort with a positive upbringing, not realizing that this limits their children’s ability of growing.
But reaching adulthood and wanting to stay comfortable even when comfort might mean being overweight, being time poor or financially poor or having low immunity should make us reconsider our choices. It is counter intuitive that eating less (and intermittent fasting) or cold showers is associated with longevity of life, and that not settling for decent wages and the ‘safety’ of employment but taking risks instead attracts growth, but science shows us that some of the things that come as natural to us are not doing us a favor.
It’s time to look at a full 24 hours experience and evaluate your day: how much of what you’re giving your time to serves you well? What can you dispose of to make room for growth? It’s up to us to change how we live our life. Even with different influences around us, it’s time to take ownership over our own beliefs and build our own path. Why not start now?
Both online and in the real life we expose ourselves to different influences. It can impact the way we feel and think about ourselves and about others. Good friends are capable of teaching and living up to principle that are uplifting, that make you want to live to a higher standard.
Some things to bare in mind when you choose who gets your time are:
- Growth. Can I progress and have this person in my life? Do they reveal beliefs that I’ve moved on from or are they supportive and interested in self-growth?
- Self-talk. Do you only discuss personal things in a worthless updates format or do you get to share broader ideas with the person?
- Equal forces. Sometimes people dominate relationships to make themselves feel more intelligent. If you feel bad after meeting a friend because of how they express themselves or how they are treating you, it’s time to let go.
People can try to influence us for their own benefit, but it’s often the case that our close ones fail us in their attempt to help. That’s a good place to start a conversation and set boundaries.
We are all connected to each other at a higher level, but influencing people in a mindless way, without setting an intention, fails and breaks relationships. Don’t just accept and reject influence, model it to meet your needs.
Being raised by fellow humans comes at a great risk. It involves having personal beliefs projected on the human cub, from sex and politics to religion and gender standards. This ultimately means that parents, teachers and any influencers raise you rather than allowing you to grow and that the society ‘they’ adhere to builds you up to ‘fit in’. This leaves little room for self-discovery.
What if they make assumptions about yourself that are so far off that you can’t play the part you were given, what then? Where do YOU come in and at what cost?
Questioning beliefs gives you personal power and it weighs more than any external factors. How you see yourself might not be how people around you who have imposed false expectations on you perceive you and that’s okay.
What’s on You
It’s easy to fill in the template that was set up for you by generations before. Gender norms, perceptions of sexuality and relationships. We can only change the present and work towards a future that works towards rising the capability of what humans can do. We can only change ourselves and the world will follow.