Give Feedback that Counts

Photo by Christiann Koepke

Language is a superpower. We use it as an expression of our thoughts and feelings and it brings together a representation of who we are. But there are times when what we say doesn’t seem to matter to the other person, although it matters to us and compromising on one’s identity can leave a dent in relationships. Language requires someone to decode it and to understand it, or better yet, someone willing to do all this.

When feedback comes from a place of doubt or hatred, words become parasites. They clutter our judgement and manifest our undignified-self. Stress can cause negative feedback take over pure appreciation. If that’s the case, you’re not doing anyone a favor. Instead, picking one top area of improvement with actionable advice actually works. Aim to improve one thing at a time and you will see growth, personal pride and satisfaction.

The Three Words to Live Without

Photo by Alexander Andrews

Perception creates reality and the words we use represent what’s within us. It’s all a fairly straightforward manufacturing system starting with the raw product – the inner self – and finishing with the polished reality we adhere to.

The choice of words when expressing emotions shifts realities. The way Tony Robbins expresses it, words are molds in which we pour what’s within us. We all have a limited number of molds – hate, anger, sadness, under the weather-ness – that we use to express our feelings. An exercise I found useful is:

1. Find top three words that don’t serve you. Those words that, when used, distort your reality in a negative way. The molds that were broken to begin with.

2. Can you think of better words to replace them with? Maybe made-up words?

3. Stick to using the new words for a month

Eg. I feel like crap ->> I feel like creple (from the French crepe – pancake)

The point is making different neuro-connections and not adding weight to negative emotions by labelling them in a way that amplifies them. What are your three words?