Tag: limits

The Reality of Sharing Ideas with the Inner Circle

Photo by Etienne Boulanger

If you’re passed that stage in your life when grownups look at you with empathy and tell you You can do whatever you set your mind to, you might feel like you need reassurance for every idea, big or small. But as we grow up and the reality of social norms and the expectations of fitting into the 9-5 pattern kick in, people who are emotionally invested might not be best fit to run by ideas.

You might be thinking – hang on a second, my mom, grandpa or loyal puppy have my best interest at heart. And although that might be the case, new avenues are always scary. Not just for ourselves, but for the people we care about (you can read more about limiting mindsets in the piece on How Much Can You Handle?). Being supportive of new ideas takes an openness that someone else’s judgement might also work. It also takes accepting that even if no one in the family or in the whole world dared to aim so high, that doesn’t mean that it cannot be done.

In the idea phase of a project, when our self-confidence is so fragile, why give an opportunity to nay sayers to deray us? What do we have to lose, ultimately? If it is time you are worried about, it will be time invested in learning. Money? Don’t invest what you can’t afford losing. Failure? You fail if you don’t learn anything from the experience and as a wise mind once said, if you don’t try, you fail by default.

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Feedback and Our Deepest Insecurities

Photo by Dr Josiah Sarpong

What do we hear when someone tells us that we need to work more on something or that we didn’t get it just right on this occasion? If our blood starts boiling, if we get angry or we feel belittled, it might be the case that what we hear is that we are not good enough.

Being good enough is not a feeling that someone can give us, not forever. It takes self-work and it has nothing to do with what people project on us. When we receive criticism meant to help us grow but instead we let it land in the wrong place, provoking pain, we narrow the limitations within which we exist.

Feedback can only serve us if we allow it. In order to outgrow it, we need to consider it at an intellectual level. Feelings aside, what can we do to improve? Then regardless of the place of love or negativity where it came from, we shine and sprint forward into expansion. Life is growth, but sometimes the flat learning curve needs a bit of a push. It’s up to us to move upwards.

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Am I Worthy?

Photo by Joe Pregadio

For generations we were made to feel less of a person for wanting more. Aspirations that our inner circle couldn’t achieve were buried alive. Overgrowing those around us led to negative projections from the community and the verdict was most of the times the same: they’ve achieved this much because of unethical work or privileged upbringing.

With all this luggage to carry we unconsciously limit ourselves and put a cap on our dreams. If despite all odds we’re on our way to success, all that negativity might lead to us questioning not only our ability, but our merit and eligibility in achieving success.

Things to remember:

  1. Success is a reflection of work, failure, learning and growth
  2. We are all worthy of success. Saying the opposite is like saying ‘We don’t deserve to work, fail, learn and grow’
  3. Being worthy might not be a characteristic that everyone agrees with, but success cannot be contested.

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Spinning Guilt from Weakness to Advantage

Photo by Marko Blažević

Guilt can prevent us from making decisions that we’re not confident with 100%. Unlike doubt, if used ahead of making a decision, it can be a great tool to anticipate the internal changes that making a choice would bring.

Rather than waiting for retrospective guilt to kick in, let’s do a visualization exercise of what awaits for us on the other side of making a decision. Is it a life of joy or a life of struggle? Is it financial comfort but emotional torture? Is it financial comfort and emotional wellbeing?

We can work towards achieving everything we want in life. Yes, it’s true that everything comes at a cost, but living a full life takes time and effort. Guilt doesn’t have to be our companion. We can welcome it in and acknowledge the early signs of being off course. Let’s try and understand the signs – are they our parents’ bias, cultural limitations or is it truly us, moving away from who we want to become?

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Technology & the ‘Constant Availability’ Dilemma.

I’ve recently noticed someone’s email signature having next to their phone number a ‘texts only’ notice.

The anxiety of who’s calling and why has to do with the culture of being always available. That leaves us vulnerable, lacking control over our own time. Texting is softer, but still quite intrusive.

Real-life scenarios:

you’re cooking dinner – someone messaged you – you drop everything – the food gets burnt

you’re walking on the street – message – you don’t look where you’re going – you get hit by a car

you’re in the park looking at the sky – message – you reply – a pigeon shits on you

We can’t tell people to text us or call us in a certain time interval. What can we do?

  1. Set aside time to check your phone – it can be three times a day of 20 minutes sessions
  2. Turn off notifications. The texts, missed calls, will all be there. Unless you’re a doctor or the president of the country. Then you might wanna get that.
  3. Take time to be on your phone out of *your own time*. Don’t make people – friends, kids, spouse – watch you while texting or speaking on the phone. If they’ve committed their time to you, be respectful of it.
  4. And finally, don’t expect things from people. Don’t expect them to always pick up. Not even your spouse. Expect from yourself that you can handle situations on your own without putting pressure on someone else.

In case you wonder, I did take my own advise and yes, I still have a support network. Controlling my phone time allows me to build more meaningful relationships and interactions in the present moment. It teaches me to work with what I’ve got and make the most out of it. Give it a go, you might surprise yourself.

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The New You Should Never Get Old.

‘Identity’ is an ever-morphing concept. We take pride in who we are from a young age and allow our preferences to dictate our identity. Preferences and not beliefs.

The first layer of conscious identity is forced on us by the views of our parents, carers, teachers – people. Before we get to take control of our narrative and even before we get to know who we are, we are aware of who we are expected to be.

It isn’t just the disconnect between what’s within us and what is projected on us that harms our potential, but also how imperceptible change is. What we don’t notice doesn’t get labelled which means that the old labels are out of date and trap us into falling into old patterns.

1 Minute Exercise:

Take one identity that really stands-out to you when you think about it eg. clumsy, know-it-all, lazy, serious. Think about experiences when you acted contrary to the general belief. What does this say about you?

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