When Hurt Is Growth

Photo by Brunel Johnson

It’s insensitive to say that whenever someone inflicts emotional pain on us, they’re doing us a favor. Insensitive but somehow true. If we think of the moments we are hurting that were followed by decisions of taking control over our life and liberating ourselves from the people who were toxic, I know I came a long way.

Putting nostalgia aside, the first relationships I had would have taken me to different places in life – different goals, beliefs and interests. It’s striking how desperate we are for company early in life, not knowing intuitively that just having someone is not good enough.

Like many people, I had heartaches and nights wasted on thinking of the illusion of what if. And in those moments, the power within me evaporated. The power within me was with however I lost. But what was once lost it is now clear to me that it was a liberation. The freedom to carry on forming as a human.

Feedback and Our Deepest Insecurities

Photo by Dr Josiah Sarpong

What do we hear when someone tells us that we need to work more on something or that we didn’t get it just right on this occasion? If our blood starts boiling, if we get angry or we feel belittled, it might be the case that what we hear is that we are not good enough.

Being good enough is not a feeling that someone can give us, not forever. It takes self-work and it has nothing to do with what people project on us. When we receive criticism meant to help us grow but instead we let it land in the wrong place, provoking pain, we narrow the limitations within which we exist.

Feedback can only serve us if we allow it. In order to outgrow it, we need to consider it at an intellectual level. Feelings aside, what can we do to improve? Then regardless of the place of love or negativity where it came from, we shine and sprint forward into expansion. Life is growth, but sometimes the flat learning curve needs a bit of a push. It’s up to us to move upwards.