You have that little voice in your head that tells you rubbish. I have it also. How do you out-think it? You just focus on what you want to achieve to a point where what you are doing matters more than how you are doing. What you are doing will produce results, energy, relationships. It is the action and not the fear of it. So next time you hear that little voice inside of your head just ignore it. It’s not even worth your time. Don’t let your insecurities come in your way to success.
Cultures in which status differences are seen as the doom of relationships embrace a fixed way of thinking. The belief that two people from different backgrounds, with different education and wealth cannot mix might sound archaic, but it’s still present. It might not be as obviously exposed, but remarks such as – what if he or she gets jealous, what if you have to give up your career or all your hard work? What if you need to stop growing? These are all questions that show a fixed mindset projected on others.
Self-growth is a personal experience. Those around us can decide to join us, put us down or observe us from a distance. It might be challenging pushing forward and connecting with other people that we resonate with at a different level, but it is often necessary. We shouldn’t shy away from putting our own self-growth first and other people’s feelings about how we live our life second.
Language is a superpower. We use it as an expression of our thoughts and feelings and it brings together a representation of who we are. But there are times when what we say doesn’t seem to matter to the other person, although it matters to us and compromising on one’s identity can leave a dent in relationships. Language requires someone to decode it and to understand it, or better yet, someone willing to do all this.
When feedback comes from a place of doubt or hatred, words become parasites. They clutter our judgement and manifest our undignified-self. Stress can cause negative feedback take over pure appreciation. If that’s the case, you’re not doing anyone a favor. Instead, picking one top area of improvement with actionable advice actually works. Aim to improve one thing at a time and you will see growth, personal pride and satisfaction.
The way we express ourselves does impact our relationships but most importantly it impacts our mood and attitude towards problems and failure. In challenging times do you tend to blame or find a way to turn the situation in your favor? If something is outside of your control do you simply get frustrated or do you have the ability to detach and take control over your reality?
Having a bouncy mind really means being able to adjust to whatever comes your way and for that to happen you need to start with questions that put you in a position of power. If you ask ‘Why am I always so clumsy’ rather than ‘How can I improve’ you are embarking on two different paths. One is giving into the loop of habit, while the second lifts you above the issue and allows you to give yourself constructive feedback.
Asking the right question sets us up for success. If the question is ‘How can I get a raise’ rather than ‘How can I build myself up for success’, we will notice the first approach has limitations while the second one not only focuses on the process rather than the event, but it removes the assumption that success equals a raise. What is the one question that might change your life for the best? I’d be interested to know in the comments section below.
It’s insensitive to say that whenever someone inflicts emotional pain on us, they’re doing us a favor. Insensitive but somehow true. If we think of the moments we are hurting that were followed by decisions of taking control over our life and liberating ourselves from the people who were toxic, I know I came a long way.
Putting nostalgia aside, the first relationships I had would have taken me to different places in life – different goals, beliefs and interests. It’s striking how desperate we are for company early in life, not knowing intuitively that just having someone is not good enough.
Like many people, I had heartaches and nights wasted on thinking of the illusion of what if. And in those moments, the power within me evaporated. The power within me was with however I lost. But what was once lost it is now clear to me that it was a liberation. The freedom to carry on forming as a human.
The advice that no one wants is the one that we deliver regardless for selfish reasons. We have an opinion and we believe we should always have a say. While no one can take that away from us, having a say over putting the best interest of the other person first damages relationships.
In certain cultural being franc is interpreted as being honest. But no one wants brutal honesty 24/7. Sometimes we just want to go out and feeling good about ourselves. We want to have a friendly meal or party without fearing that what we do might get us the disapproval of the other person.
As someone who thought at some point that my opinion matters over other people’s feelings, here’s what I’ve learnt: what you think doesn’t matter as much as how someone is feeling. We can soften our edges and become easy to be around just by being nice to people. Is that really such a great price to pay?
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