What You’re Telling Yourself Will Always Hit Home

Photo by Brett Jordan

Are you looking around you for a strong support? Inspiration. Motivation. Discipline. A plan? Regardless of who you’re meeting and what you are told, you are the one filtering the information. When we choose to think that someone gives us positive feedback because they’re being nice, we neutralize a powerful source that can fuel our self-confidence and help us sky-rocket through doubts, all the way into action.

There is zero value in putting ourselves down, and yet it happens. Our primitive mind wishes to keep us safe when it perceives danger that is not real – public speaking, starting a conversation, asking someone out etc. Tuning into the messages of growth over the messages that are belittling is a personal choice. As someone once said, growth begins at the edge of our comfort zone. We have the power to surpass our limits and that begins with what we think and how we convey it.

Self-Pity is No One’s Friend

Photo by Bharathi Kannan

When we share disclose our challenges to someone we trust, the reaction we get doesn’t always benefit us. The classical ‘poor you’ can generate feelings of self-pity which then lead to depression. Believing that life is unjust and outside of our control leaves us no room for action.

As a generous sharer myself, it’s not always clear to me why humans choose to share the same event again and again. From a neurological point of view we can refer to the impact that the experience had on us and all the connections we kept on making post-event. But speaking about the lows of life can reflect our need for care, affection and understanding.

Reflecting love or concerns about someone can be a selfish act. It releases us from the guilt of perhaps not being present often enough in that person’s life and from a sense of duty.

But just as being in an office from 9 until 5 doesn’t mean that we’re doing a good job, so does projecting worries and victimizing our loved ones doesn’t really reflect love. All it does is generating a chain of negative reactions. Self-doubt and self-pity are often the results of misrepresented love. Don’t keep friends around who think they’re doing you a favor by taking your power away from you – the power to heal without their permission.