Tag: self-respect

Getting Our Expectations Met

Photo by Zoltan Tasi 

Why can’t we seem to be able to overcome our conditioning? It may be our laziness, tendency of judging other people or our attitude towards money. We come into this world untouched by the world of ideas and biases, but by the time we realize that we can think for ourselves many of us agree to what has been fed to us. What we hear at an early age is limited by our exposure to people. We will most likely be around family and people in the community, maybe some mainstream tv that feeds the narrative of the masses. If you’re looking around you and you see people placed in different bodies with similar identities – it’s not an illusion, it’s what happens when we stop growing.

Being poor and staying poor is a puzzle that not many of us can understand. But the discourse of consumption is so dominant that it leaves no room for thinking that we can be on the producer’s side. What we ask of ourselves is what we get and for that reason, we need to be truthful to our dreams and expectations of ourselves.

Setting our expectations high will allow us to reach there. If we can’t see the finish line with our mind’s eye, we won’t get there. Meeting our expectations of ourselves means asking enough of ourselves to push us forward and to believe possible. But if we were kept in a state of passive living, it may take a big leap of believing in ourselves that will allow us to be pleasantly surprised by our unexplored potential.

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What Tools Do We Need to Succeed?

Photo by David Pisnoy

Broadening our skills helps us live a fuller life. We can laugh wholeheartedly, control our impulses, limit self-pity and focus on creating a positive impact. When it comes to social skills, we all have basic abilities that are glued to our identity. We show love and care instinctively. We also express anger and disappointment. This might be beneficial when we first ‘learn’ the feelings, but isolating them as unfriendly companions is key.

How do we treat an unfriendly companion? We try tempering them down and take away their power in different ways – by not responding on a tone that matches their own, limiting the time we spend with them and spinning their attention to the underlying cause of the issue or to the solution. Having spent too much time ranting, being angry and aggressive, here are some practice that helped:

  • reading books that focus on understanding human behaviors and our own actions
  • meditation
  • exercise
  • spend time being intentionally happy

Nothing new here, but change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes understanding the tools, making them our own and learning when to apply them through lived experience. What tools do you need to succeed?

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Give Feedback that Counts

Photo by Christiann Koepke

Language is a superpower. We use it as an expression of our thoughts and feelings and it brings together a representation of who we are. But there are times when what we say doesn’t seem to matter to the other person, although it matters to us and compromising on one’s identity can leave a dent in relationships. Language requires someone to decode it and to understand it, or better yet, someone willing to do all this.

When feedback comes from a place of doubt or hatred, words become parasites. They clutter our judgement and manifest our undignified-self. Stress can cause negative feedback take over pure appreciation. If that’s the case, you’re not doing anyone a favor. Instead, picking one top area of improvement with actionable advice actually works. Aim to improve one thing at a time and you will see growth, personal pride and satisfaction.

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What You’re Telling Yourself Will Always Hit Home

Photo by Brett Jordan

Are you looking around you for a strong support? Inspiration. Motivation. Discipline. A plan? Regardless of who you’re meeting and what you are told, you are the one filtering the information. When we choose to think that someone gives us positive feedback because they’re being nice, we neutralize a powerful source that can fuel our self-confidence and help us sky-rocket through doubts, all the way into action.

There is zero value in putting ourselves down, and yet it happens. Our primitive mind wishes to keep us safe when it perceives danger that is not real – public speaking, starting a conversation, asking someone out etc. Tuning into the messages of growth over the messages that are belittling is a personal choice. As someone once said, growth begins at the edge of our comfort zone. We have the power to surpass our limits and that begins with what we think and how we convey it.

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Discipline. Is It Too Late to Get Started?

Photo by fabe collage

We assume that discipline, just like self-respect, is something that we either have or not. But sticking to a schedule that matters to us and taking away as much of the decision factor from the day helps us stick to a routine. If you brush your teeth even once a day, you’ve built discipline around dental care.

It’s just a matter of thinking – what matters to me? What is the one thing that I want to own up to? The interest that I want to accumulate into experience and proficient skill? What are the actions that I need to take to get me started so I can settle into a habit of learning and growth?

Discipline is linked to accountability. Find out what you care enough about that you would want to keep yourself accountable for.

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Are You Standing Between Yourself and Success?

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado

We are the only people who can push ourselves towards success, failure, or just passivity in life. Do you ever worry about achieving something even though you haven’t even made a start yet on our project? You might instinctively think that this ‘long-term planning’ is beneficial, that you should plan for the worse and so on. But planning for the worse gives us a sense of what the future can look like in a negative light.

The main thing to note when you get sidetracked by your own thoughts, worries, doubts and second thoughts is that this time is taken out of action time. Action gets us closer to results. Doubt is the stranger disguised with friendly intentions when in fact just wants to rob you from your dreams. Stay focused. Ultimately, everything that matters is what action you take and time to act is now.

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