When Hurt Is Growth

Photo by Brunel Johnson

It’s insensitive to say that whenever someone inflicts emotional pain on us, they’re doing us a favor. Insensitive but somehow true. If we think of the moments we are hurting that were followed by decisions of taking control over our life and liberating ourselves from the people who were toxic, I know I came a long way.

Putting nostalgia aside, the first relationships I had would have taken me to different places in life – different goals, beliefs and interests. It’s striking how desperate we are for company early in life, not knowing intuitively that just having someone is not good enough.

Like many people, I had heartaches and nights wasted on thinking of the illusion of what if. And in those moments, the power within me evaporated. The power within me was with however I lost. But what was once lost it is now clear to me that it was a liberation. The freedom to carry on forming as a human.

Silently Sitting with Ourselves

Photo by dorota dylka

Are you asking yourself questions that you never really had a chance to? Where am I headed, to what purpose, how am I getting there? Am I travelling a road that I picked?

By the time we grow mature enough to make a choice we often times allow others to make decisions for us. Are we going to study different degrees, get a steady job, follow paths that other people have traveled and have failed miserably.

They are the people thinking that just because their finances didn’t work out after 40+ years in a job, things will magically be different for their grown children. The people that then recognize the frustrations and limitations of 9-5 and shrug their shoulders. And when our life falls apart we can always look at our children and think ‘They have their whole life ahead of them’.

Self-Pity is No One’s Friend

Photo by Bharathi Kannan

When we share disclose our challenges to someone we trust, the reaction we get doesn’t always benefit us. The classical ‘poor you’ can generate feelings of self-pity which then lead to depression. Believing that life is unjust and outside of our control leaves us no room for action.

As a generous sharer myself, it’s not always clear to me why humans choose to share the same event again and again. From a neurological point of view we can refer to the impact that the experience had on us and all the connections we kept on making post-event. But speaking about the lows of life can reflect our need for care, affection and understanding.

Reflecting love or concerns about someone can be a selfish act. It releases us from the guilt of perhaps not being present often enough in that person’s life and from a sense of duty.

But just as being in an office from 9 until 5 doesn’t mean that we’re doing a good job, so does projecting worries and victimizing our loved ones doesn’t really reflect love. All it does is generating a chain of negative reactions. Self-doubt and self-pity are often the results of misrepresented love. Don’t keep friends around who think they’re doing you a favor by taking your power away from you – the power to heal without their permission.

Self-CONFIDENCE and Being Active

Photo by Casey Horner

Are confident people busier than other people or is it the other way around?

Engaging in a high number of activities, social interaction and splitting our interest over different subjects brings together confidence in undertaking new challenges and overall self-belief.

Our brain no longer knows instinctively what’s best for us. The illusion of relaxing through passive behavior can take its toll on our body and on our mind. Passive behavior impacts our overall performance and ability to persist and succeed.

Have you ever noticed how much more energy you draw out of being active? Don’t postpone on that language class or knitting workshop. As long as you enjoy it, it is relaxing and it nurtures your self-confidence at the same time.

Lift Your Mood Up By Simply Trying to Be Happy

Photo by MI PHAM

Grogginess, grumpiness – not enough coffee, not enough sleep – they’re all situations and states of being you can control. Even rudeness is curable. All it takes is putting yourself in the shoes of the people you interact with the most and ask yourself – would I want to be around myself?

Do I bring joy to others? Do I bring joy in my life just through positive thinking and having an uplifting attitude?

It might sometimes be challenging to admit that your emotions are within your control, but ultimately accepting the reality allow us to change it. How do you want to live your life? Do you want to age with kindness or with an upside down smile? Do you want to be surrounded by people who have wrinkles because of the anger or because of the laughter? Whatever we choose, change begins with ourselves.

The Law of Attraction Is Based on Giving

Photo by Erol Ahmed

We attract what we believe and we also attract what we give.

There is order in any law and the law of attraction is no different. If we picture a bright future for ourselves and treat people poorly in the process, we might get where we want but the experience will not be a positive one. We won’t be making any friends with the I’m the most person on earth attitude and we all heard again and again that the ruler over infinite fortunes can be miserable.

When our own beliefs are at stake, do we reject new ideas, do we listen, process with an open mind and then make a choice? Or do we hide under the crust of superiority, pretending and hiding our imperfections? Do we give our best in the present moment for ourselves and others?