All we can see are actions and their results. But the thought process can reveal that actions that don’t look impressive in the real world, are often times the better option. We not only have different ways of seeing the world, but due to our values and priorities some decisions can seem unfair to the naked eye. What do you do in those situation? Ultimately it comes down to: would you rather sleep well at night knowing that you followed through with the best option or do what other people expect you to do? Which of the options would contribute to your sense of self-worth and which one would make you feel a puppet?
Let’s be blunt – no one can. Self-worth is the result of decisions and actions that lift us up and allow us to be more than we used to be. If we didn’t exercise at all and we started doing 5-10-15 push-ups a day, that will contribute to our feeling of self-worth.
Self-worth is not a one time type of purchase, it’s more like getting an item that gets out of fashion the next day. We need to reinvest time every single day to be able to experience self-worth every single day. The good news is that the activities that make us feel worthy, also help us grow. And given that we have a set of values that encourages kindness, compassion and positivity, our own growth will reinforce our values and with that, build a stronger sense of self.
Taking responsibility and ‘taking the blame’ are two different things. Responsibility requires action, a response to circumstances that facilitates growth. Blame is passive. As much as certain people think that they benefit from it by maintaining their public image, blame doesn’t serve anyone. Blame hinders the self-esteem, while responsibility builds integrity and a feeling of self-worth.
How does this apply to how we approach life? Responsibility plays a great role in our perception over the world and we need to discipline our mind to be able to use its power. It really means that victimisation is not an option and that dreadful feeling of failure gets spun into success by avoiding blame and focusing on the solution.
This is a superpower that can turn our life from a passive experience into a dynamic search of solutions. The great thing about it is that taking responsibility is a choice that you and I can make to help ourselves stay focused and in control of our life.
We worry about what people might think of us, what if we fail, what if we end up in a loss after making this decision? What if I’m not good enough? I know I worry about these things constantly and the fun bit is that this prevents be from even making a start.
Fear is paralyzing. It makes us think that we are good where we stand at the moment, even if we are tragically unhappy. We tell ourselves that this is what life looks life because we see so many examples of people around us walking dead through life.
The choice to take action is a choice that needs to be taken every single day. Is the choice of making a start. What people think is not relevant. Will you look back on your life 20 years from now thinking:
‘I’m proud of myself because I made people think that I am happy and successful. No one ever doubted it’
Or is it more likely to look back on your life with regret? Let that put things in perspective for you when the I’m not good enough thoughts creep in. You’re good enough and you can only improve from here onwards.
For generations we were made to feel less of a person for wanting more. Aspirations that our inner circle couldn’t achieve were buried alive. Overgrowing those around us led to negative projections from the community and the verdict was most of the times the same: they’ve achieved this much because of unethical work or privileged upbringing.
With all this luggage to carry we unconsciously limit ourselves and put a cap on our dreams. If despite all odds we’re on our way to success, all that negativity might lead to us questioning not only our ability, but our merit and eligibility in achieving success.
Things to remember:
- Success is a reflection of work, failure, learning and growth
- We are all worthy of success. Saying the opposite is like saying ‘We don’t deserve to work, fail, learn and grow’
- Being worthy might not be a characteristic that everyone agrees with, but success cannot be contested.
Both online and in the real life we expose ourselves to different influences. It can impact the way we feel and think about ourselves and about others. Good friends are capable of teaching and living up to principle that are uplifting, that make you want to live to a higher standard.
Some things to bare in mind when you choose who gets your time are:
- Growth. Can I progress and have this person in my life? Do they reveal beliefs that I’ve moved on from or are they supportive and interested in self-growth?
- Self-talk. Do you only discuss personal things in a worthless updates format or do you get to share broader ideas with the person?
- Equal forces. Sometimes people dominate relationships to make themselves feel more intelligent. If you feel bad after meeting a friend because of how they express themselves or how they are treating you, it’s time to let go.
People can try to influence us for their own benefit, but it’s often the case that our close ones fail us in their attempt to help. That’s a good place to start a conversation and set boundaries.
We are all connected to each other at a higher level, but influencing people in a mindless way, without setting an intention, fails and breaks relationships. Don’t just accept and reject influence, model it to meet your needs.