You Really Don’t Have to Be Like Everyone Else

Photo by Daniel Öberg

Many people are exposing themselves as being different at the expense of being treated differently when society encourages the idea of a common identity. In the millennium of extensive travel and migration, of shifting social status, with gender identity and sexuality complexities being recognized, it’s time to stop hiding behind preset ideas of ourselves that family, employers and work colleagues, fellow students and lecturers are projecting on us.

As humans we can only project our most evolved form of self on other people. Anything beyond or below our direction of growth is therefor different. Imagine your feet trying to fit into different size shoes for different events – for work you need to match people’s ego, for family you need to match their perception of you and for fun you need to match people’s perception of themselves in order to maintain the association. Before you know it, you went from a UK size 12 to a 4 and them a 8 and a half. Turns out you’re a size 9. You are different and for anyone to acknowledge that, you need to come to peace with yourself.

Heterosexual Women and Sexual Acceptance

There is a huge discrepancy between what women are trained to believe about intimacy versus men. Women often access the romantic dimension of sexuality, where they don’t have to be active and are not meant to have desires. They’re swayed by a charming honorable man that takes them to the pleasure land with good poetry, wine and conversation.

For men in the Western societies sexual activity has been linked by the media to self-worth. Men can acquire sexual capital and get a feeling of being wanted based on how many women they capitalize on in bed. Hence the name of ‘sexual capital’ that is used in pickup artistry circles.

There is a disconnect between values that the society appreciates in women versus men.

To bridge the gap in beliefs of intimacy and sexuality, three point should be considered:

  • teaching men to value intimate personal connections
  • teaching women to value sexual experience
  • growing love and understanding for each other’s beliefs

Are you aware of any narratives that were passed on to you and you might not have questioned?

Disconnect. What They Want You to Be and Who You Are.

Being raised by fellow humans comes at a great risk. It involves having personal beliefs projected on the human cub, from sex and politics to religion and gender standards. This ultimately means that parents, teachers and any influencers raise you rather than allowing you to grow and that the society ‘they’ adhere to builds you up to ‘fit in’. This leaves little room for self-discovery.

What if they make assumptions about yourself that are so far off that you can’t play the part you were given, what then? Where do YOU come in and at what cost?

Questioning beliefs gives you personal power and it weighs more than any external factors. How you see yourself might not be how people around you who have imposed false expectations on you perceive you and that’s okay.

What’s on You

It’s easy to fill in the template that was set up for you by generations before. Gender norms, perceptions of sexuality and relationships. We can only change the present and work towards a future that works towards rising the capability of what humans can do. We can only change ourselves and the world will follow.